Wile E. Coyote and the Fiscal Cliff

I can’t believe that this is happening. Again. So pissed that I’m reblogging it because Nothing. Has. Changed.

Insert Witty Comment

I never promised I wouldn’t broach politics. Like you, I have strong opinions on the way this country stumbles along as the self-acclaimed greatest show on Earth (after the real circuses, of course). I have expectations living in this one nation, indivisible, blah blah blah, rah rah rah. That said, do not expect this blog to become another one-state, two-state, red-state, blue-state bashing free for all. It’s been done. To death. And by more clever people than I. Or is it Me… I? Dammit.

Moreover, I would venture a guess that if you’re reading this blog, you know me at some level. Even if it’s the “we’ve gotten drunk together before” level, or the “I say hi to that gay dude in the hall at work and sometimes he says something funny” level. My political views are well known, and well established, and no I won’t change my mind, let’s…

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And Then He Proposed to a Woman

I know. I am outrageous.

Big G and I have been flirting with the idea of getting married for a whole host of reasons. She could make, like, all of my decisions (she’s good at it, trust me), she’s better with money, and we would get sweet tax breaks, all while staining the sanctity of marriage to piss off conservatives.

ImageTake that, Paul Ryan.

Also, remember that time you ran for vice president and lost by the percentage your running mate quoted of “lazy Americans who will never agree to your ridiculous views?” Because I do.

ImageWe all do.

So when I went to pick her up, I said, “hey, I know you’ve just traveled for days to get back from the Middle East and broke two nails in the last five minutes, but I bought you a ring when you told me money was tight so whaddya say we piss off a lot of people?”

She wasn’t amused.

Well, she was, but she was tired. I am going to call it a win, with her saying once I’ve paid off all of my debts and start saving money, she’ll consider it. So I best be going to Costco from here on in so that I can put a ring on it.

ImageIt’s a citrine. And it’s BIG.

So, hopefully by 2014 someone will have made an honest man out of me. We can have what is commonly referred to by people in the South as a “white marriage”, or when a gay man marries a straight woman with an agreement that they can both live their lives however they want to. Like Tom Cruise and basically any of his former wives.

ImageRemember when she left him all ninja-style? That was sweet.

So, I hope to some day become Mr. Bosko, so that Big G can tell all of her paramours (9th grade vocabulary word, thank you) that they’re being super-illicit in their escapades. Should spice things up. And don’t worry, that doesn’t take either of that off of the market. So send any cute friends of yours my way, kay?

ImageI’ll be the one on the right; they guy on the left will be a woman.

So much glitter. Stay Classy (and engaged) Salt Lake!

Pasta Fag-ioli

Seriously, Barilla? As it is I live in a world without Chik-Fil-A, Domino’s and Smuckers. You don’t want to use gay people in your ads? Totally fine, though most of the guys I’ve met that are Italian who identify as “straight” tend to shift along the Kinsey scale. And it’s not because my milkshake brings all the boy to the yard. Just do us all a favor, keep your homophobia to yourself, and don’t follow it up with “because they aren’t families, and if they don’t like it, don’t eat the pasta.”

ImageTaste this rainbow, homophobe.

I typically try to stay out of the gay fray. I go to Pride, but not the afterparties. Mostly because I like to wear pants, and avoid wearing glitter. But when large companies say ignorant things, following up the “then don’t eat it” comment to, “I just wanted to show the central role of the woman in the family”, I get justifiably pissed. So men have no role in the family. Women should stay in the kitchen. Hell, why don’t we just repeal suffrage and travel back to the 50’s.

ImageSeriously. Why not? Hell, let’s just go back. Why move forward?

So I will no longer buy Barilla, even if it’s a better price. Which, coming from a tightwad coupon clipping queen, is a big f-ing deal. The only silver lining is that yet again, someone who should know how to keep their -isms under wraps blew their cover and revealed to the international community that even in places that have made great progress, there is still much work  to be done.

ImageSo much pride right now.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to start practicing my proposal to Big G so that I can actually bring some truth to the idea that “my community” is threatening the tradition of marriage.

See how you like THAT.

Stay classy (and political goddamit) Salt Lake.

Testify

My job keeps getting more interesting. I just finished attending a low- to moderate-income needs assessment hearing at the County complex and was really impressed with the knowledge of the people in the room.

ImageThe complex itself, not so much.

Within the first five minutes, I realized I knew almost everyone in the room; if I didn’t know them, I knew someone who they knew. Typically more than one person. And the message that came through was clear: this town is tiny, and yet it still has so many residents in need of support that it’s ridiculous. The Section 8 housing support waiting list has over 10,000 households waiting for help with affordable housing. That’s the entire population of Clemson, South Carolina.

ImageAn  entire town of people. Just waiting for a place to live.

In the 7 years I have lived here, I’ve seen the state make great strides in making it a nicer place to live. New transportation options. More sustainable agriculture. Downtown revitalization. But to me, there’s something wrong with the fact that two luxury apartment skyscrapers continue to sit vacant in the heart of the city that most of these low-income people work.

ImageI’m looking at you, City Creek.

So tomorrow I’ll hit the ground running, write some grants, and build some more affordable housing like Bud Bailey (which you can see here). So pretty. Until then, it’s time to spend some quality time with (typically low) quality evening programming. Which means I will probably end up breaking out the Kindle.

ImageMmmmm. It glows.

Stay classy (and charitable) Salt Lake.

Charity and Ivory

It’s just like Ebony and Ivory, except for the fact that I am not singing, I am not Paul McCartney or Stevie Wonder, and I couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.

Image

You can listen to it here.

So I realized in having conversations at work that while I am doing more things for my “me time”, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Well, you can, but it’s more difficult, and you have a lower success rate. But that’s another topic entirely.

During a typical workday, I ask people for money and write. All day. I get up for coffee on occasion and cry along to NPR stories (twice today, true story) on the drive into work, but basically my sole responsibility is to write grants and ask people for money.

ImagePass the tissues, we’ve all got issues.

So I was thinking about my social life, and realized a few interesting parallels. I’ve been to three fundraisers in as many weeks. I’m constantly hitting up friends and family for money. I drove clear out to M-town today to pick up giant barrels for charity drives I am organizing with my coworkers.

ImageShe’s such a good sport.

Also, when I get home, most days I power up my computer and write this blog. So when I get a chance to relax and unwind, I direct my energies into, well, the things I do at work only at home in my pajamas. Literally.

I’m doing it write now.

And no I won’t post pictures of myself in my junkie jammies; I’d rather post pictures of cute shirtless dudes.

ImageYou’re welcome.

Stay classy Salt Lake.

Home Improvement

Severo and Malinda are my crew. They are fab. And their daughter Taryn is a delight; she makes me smile every 27 seconds or so. And they’ve been helping me get this castle into shape.

ImageOk, it’s not that busted, but still. You get the picture.

While Severo installed two more ceiling fans to complete the set of glory (and help me get back into sleeping in my actual bed as opposed to the couch island I live on 95% of the time), Malinda, Taryn and I watched School House Rock.

ImageI’m just a bill, yeah I’m only a bill, and I’m sitting here on Capitol Hill.

We colored. We read books. We talked on the old school phone I have from my old lab. We played dress-up with all of my old jewelry. And a few hours later, when the work was done and I told them how much their friendship means to me, I picked a flower for Taryn and handed her back her pinecone and rock. She apparently loves rocks. A lot.

Image

Malinda said she has to limit her to one rock per outing.

But the best, the absolutely best thing I have heard all weekend was when Taryn was getting buckled in and I handed her back her treasures. She looked up at me, and smiled, and said, “I am so happy right now!” My heart melted. It was awesome. So all in all, I am going to call this weekend a win. Now onto making applesauce and putting my house back together after kicking it was a toddler for a few hours.

ImageTotally worth it. Totally.

Stay classy (and young) Salt Lake!

Wake Me Up When September Ends

Remember that time that I loved my job?

Oh wait, that’s all the time now.

ImageThank you Justin Bieber.

Every idea I have pitched so far has been not only enthusiastically accepted, but adequately resourced. Each meeting I attend has been optimistic and the people I have met are proactive. Providing affordable housing to people in need is not only on the agenda of the city’s radar, but also the county and the state. It makes my heart tingle.

ImageIt’s an illusion, Michael. A trick is something whores do for money.

Or cocaine!

I have unofficially taken over the social media responsibilities of the agency. I am on the Fun and Activities (or F’n A) committee. I’m organizing a food drive for our Halloween party. All in all, I haven’t been this happy and engaged since college, most of which I have trouble recollecting.

ImageYou know. Because of all of the… studying.

So as I sit in my jammies (duh) typing my thoughts into yet another Apple product, I love the feeling of not only contentment with my current situation, but with the notion, however misguided, that the move to my new job and place was the absolute best move I could have made. And I couldn’t be happier.

Image

Ohhhhh NURSE!

Stay classy (and happy) Salt Lake!